“And Spock saved the day.”
“What are you talking about? It was totally Kirk!”
“In case you didn’t know, Spock is the hero in StarTrek.”
“Is not! It’s obviously Kirk!”
“Will you guys stop it! It’s neither Spock nor Kirk! It’s Pike. He was the Captain.”
“So was Spock.”
“So was Kirk! And anyway, Pike was the character that gets out of the way for the hero to shine!”
“And for the hero to save! Which Spock did.”
“Spock was ALSO the character that gets out of the way to be saved. And KIRK saved Pike.”
“Not without Spock who took the enemy’s main attention to the drill. And anyway, he got the girl.”
“Yeah but…. STAR TREK IS NOT A ROMANCE!”
“The hero gets the girl, by RULE.”
“You guys sure are wrong- it’s got to be Pike. He took the wriggly black thing in his mouth in Nero’s torture-”
“SHUT UP!” came a chorus reply.
“Toss you for it. Heads, Kirk is hero. Tales, we’ll pretend Spock is.”
A coin is tossed. It lands vertical.
“Maybe that means Pike…?” Two glares cut short the sentence.
“Kirk came up with the right plan.”
“Spock lost his mother! The hero always loses family.”
“Oh please! Kirk’s dad?”
“Spock met his future self.”
“What- so WHAT?! If Kirk had not met the future Spock on the planet they would have lost. So KIRK is the one who is more important.”
“The information came from the future SPOCK! And it was SPOCK who put Kirk on the planet in the first place.”
“Kirk had the cute nickname.”
Two people stared. “Uhh… Jim? It is cute…”
“Spock has the cute NAME. He doesn’t need a nickname.”
“Tell you what. Come to my place today and we’ll count the number of dialogues they had. The winner is the hero.”
“Not counting groans, sighs and other noises.”
“If you guys are doing it anyway, let’s just count Pike’s too…”
“Fine. You come too.”
And that was why I was trying to find the Star Trek video in Jacko’s room. John Carter was under the stupid impression that Spock was the hero of Star Trek. He must be blind or something. Alan Boyd, the traitor who is one-third the reason I didn’t perform in the Grade One ballet, was even more misinformed. How in the world could anyone believe Pike was hero? Dumb, dumb, dumb.
But it would all be corrected. I felt proud defending Captain Kirk. And I knew it would be better still when the movie finished, and I switched on the lights to smile into two stupid, ashamed boy faces.
Just as the bell rang, I pulled out the disc. Five o’clock. Trust John Carter to be on time. How boring!
Without much ado, we went in the drawing room, everyone took their chairs and I put the video in the TV. Then I moved Alan out of daddy’s chair and pressed start.
And then began The Movie.
I held my pen firmly, and put a tally mark every time either contender spoke. To my surprise, there were times when Spock greatly outdid Kirk, but it all kept balancing sooner or later.
When Kirk woke up with his scary puffy hands on-board Enterprise, Jacko came in the room.
“What are you guys doing?” he asked from the doorway.
Three angry hisses silenced him.
“Did you count that last dialogue by Spock Jenny Jackson?”
“Shut up Carter. It’s not even Spock’s scene.”
Jacko didn’t say anything but came and sat beside daddy’s chair. He looked at my tally marks, read the headings, looked up at me and stared.
I sighed. “Got to tell these guys how much Kirk is hero.”
“What are you talking about? It’s Spock!”
Unfortunately, John heard this. “Hi Five brother!”
Jacko stretched all across me and caught John’s five and left me and Alan outnumbered.
When Spock grabbed Kirk’s neck and made him unconscious, they laughed. When Kirk was thrown out of the ship, they rolled on the floor. When the big red thing chased Kirk they were spilling out with mute laughter, clutching their sides and streaming tears so much that I lost my patience and pulled the plug from the TV.
“Oh no! What happened!” I acted, because no one had seen me. Even Alan was looking at the other two rolling and laughing.
I tapped the TV. I checked the remote. I Paused and Played the video. No good.
“It’s an old thing. Must have broken out or something. Hey John, you want to play baseball outside?” asked Jacko.
“What about the deal?” I cried.
“Oh yeah.. umm, what’s the current score?”
“Kirk leading… by two.”
“Oh. Umm.. fine, you win.”
And off went Jacko and John and Alan ran out after them. That’s it? I won?
I didn’t know what to do. Kirk won?
I replugged the TV, took out the video, kept it back and went to my room.
I took out Buzz and started playing with him.
“Welcome aboard The Enterprise, Commander Buzz! This is Captain-”
Buzz looked at me expectantly.
“Captain SpocKirk Jackson. And we have a ship to blast.”