Mister Secret Agent

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Fiction: You know it is! I never get a C! 😀

It was a cold day. The wind came in powerful gushes, and nearly swept me off my feet once or twice. But I had to go on, I had no choice. I was going to go to the library and read a book today even if that was the last thing I did.

Seriously man, how many C grades can a man take?!

So that was the agenda of the day, the freezing cold day. But as I was about to cross over the park, a heavy figure appeared on the road before me. It was walking towards me, and marvelously enough, not a shred of cloth on it’s person moved with the wind. Great, and I have to freeze with cold, and my own cap has to tug at my head horribly to get off! Perfect, just perfect!

The man, for it was a hulk a woman cannot achieve, stopped in his tracks.

“I have been waiting for you Ruchika,” he said, in a freakishly smooth voice. How much more cliched could it be- mysterious stranger in the night, in the park, with a husky voice and-

“How do you know my name?” I demanded.

“Please. With all the trouble you create for us, that’s the bare minimum we know about you, center player.” He said, lighting a cigar.

Super. He knows about volleyball too. Who do I create trouble for? Me, an innocent little teenager?

Let me see…

My teachers, my classmates, the Principal, the Head Mistress, the coach, the idiot who pesters me in Art…

Katrina Kaif, Salman Khan, Kristen Stewart, receptionists, secret agents…

Secret Agents!

Of course! The glued-on clothes, the cigars, the mystery, the meeting in the park at night. Now that’s cliched.

And the trouble he’s mentioning- understandable. I am a ready critic of how un-secretive secret agents are, how unintelligent their Special Intelligence is, and how boring their guns always look. Trouble enough? Maybe also that I openly discuss their techniques… and their obvious dumbness to believe the lookers during an Op!

But hold on, how many times do you meet a Secret Agent!

And if you met a Secret Agent (and knew he was a Secret Agent), won’t you have all the questions in the world to ask?! I do!

And so, even in the freezing cold, in the middle of the park, I asked him all my really serious questions. He was most cooperative. But then I had promised not to publish another paper proving their absolute inadequacy. By the way, a blog post is not the same as a ‘paper’!

Yes, you guys are age-less. But so many of you get killed, or retire to marry the girl next door. So how do you recruit new agents?

We don’t. We just take any new boy or girl on the streets who is good looking, then beat the rationality out of them, and so create more of our army, believing in the myth that we are really the people who run the world, while actually, everyone knows, it’s the U.S. Government. Of course.

Oh-kay… But how do ALL of you look good in tux? C’mon!
That’s Agent Training 101. We have got to look good in tuxes. Because if we don’t, we don’t get the casino girls, the easy entries, and we look the real shit we are when we get beat up. Also, that’s the least we can ensure, so we just do it. After all, that’s our calling card, ain’t it?

(Sticking out tongue) And which book do you all refer to that your dialogues are the cockiest replies while none are really very different from each other?

We copy. Me for instance, have already bended the dialogues from Rambo, G.I. Joe, Rocky, Tarzan….. and….. and of course, Barbie and the Diamond Castle. *smile*


And how do you fire your agents?


I mean, how do you sack them?

That too, literally.

What? Gosh! How do you- do you- kick them out?

Oh all the time! And literally. We just kick them out hollow.

You’re crazy!

No, I’m a Secret Agent.



3 thoughts on “Mister Secret Agent

    Starstone said:
    September 2, 2012 at 4:14 AM

    LOL 😀 Literally 😉

      Ruchika responded:
      September 3, 2012 at 4:48 AM

      Finally! LOL finally means it’s real meaning! 😀

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