A Fleeting Soliloqouy

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Where am I.
It’s a lonely universe, just a pitiful one planet that boasts of life. That in itself is too much of a paradox, for who is there to boast to, if it is the only one. But Earth is proud, nevertheless, reveling in stupidity like a king without a kingdom. Perhaps fortunately, there is company to be found, when I adjust my lens to see the chaos in this depressing solitary existence. I see lines etched onto land and sea alike, that separate men with a tag of nationality, and clusters of government. What a becoming! That Earth should seem Earths.

Further, the globe shows me too much space. Not enough for everybody, but wide enough to hold the scattered strings of thought and feeling that process inside my frame and travel the world, to embed themselves in distant lands.
For my thoughts are not my own. My heart rebels! Sewn onto me, it lashes towards another that it does not find.
Separated by the one I love by a thousand miles and a million laws, knowing that for one I will sacrifice the other all my life, caught between choices that will punch and shape the lives of me and my child, forever living in the dream of breathing the air of that day when we are one at last… not knowing the width or length of such a utopia, or if I will still have a heart then…

I am lost. Moreover, I am torn.
I wonder if my question is where, or should it be when. When am I.
Am I in the result of yesterday? In the desire of tomorrow? Surely not the pain of today… When sadness is my heart, when longing in my sinews, and a withering rose of my hope dies and desperately blooms with tiny joys, I ask.. Am I alive now?
How can I BE, when pieces of me lie over the world. There is no where, no when, there is no how either.

I just hope I AM. I just hope that I still AM.

And then he smiles.
Everything is going to be just all right. A glimpse, a note, a word is all it takes to make me strong again and wait. I live from mirage to mirage, see through active imagination that fogs out what truly is and shows me what I want to see, and all I want to see is him near me.
Can you love somebody so much that you’re begging to show them just how much. Evidently, it is what Zeus wanted when he split human souls in two and left them free in the world, condemning them forever to search for their other halves. Zeus must hate me, for I find murderous love being tested by time and space. Yet, I wait. In seconds, he will voyage me from failure to flight and my eyes shall dance again. Until then, I shall work the work of brainless brutes and mundane dos, until he unleashes me again.

Not knowing what to ask, what to wonder or what to say, I turn to oblivion. Ignorance is bliss but it’s better served with a pinch of words. I write…No, I try to write. And I walk on.


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