I am actually quite started that I could feel so positive and hopeful during exam time. Ever since I returned from Fukuoka, even on the plane to Delhi, I was getting into exam mode. It’s twelfth standard and everybody automatically pushes their heads into books this year. Maybe that’s because we get our board marks in the end, which are the one numerical value that defines which college we get into, and it’s quite important if you want to study overseas like me. I doubt anybody reads because they will miss school reading, so yeah boards it is. Actually, there are ways to crack the board exams. Over time people have observed patterns and they know routines that will be healthy for this year. I have my own actually. So far it has gone just okay. The plan is to a little everyday. I don’t really have a problem with that, unlike MANY of my seniors. In fact, during their last days, my seniors were telling everybody “Read from the start” and shaking their heads.
So. I did read from the start. I just took a massive holiday from mid May to mid June, floating in my bubble of travel happiness and good weather over there. So as I was saying, when I finally understood that this is all good but I now have to get in exam mode, I started reading again but I was really waiting for the dread to set in. For those of you who know me, you would have an idea of my exam phase. I crunch my work well. But I also get critical of things like the way exams are held, the quality of material we are reading and I ALWAYS complain about how we don’t write essays in English. I feel that is one major draw back, for me, as I want to write Sooo many theses. Then, as the exam dates start approaching, I begin getting a little worried. Okay, this needs a little background to it.
Up until seventh grade, I never really had to study for exams. My mom says in 5th, I read my Social Studies chapters and told her I’m ready for the exam and I actually was. And in 3rd I didn’t even need to read, I would just listen in class and I was prepped. So yes, I’m basically a prodigy. Just kidding! Then after seventh, I put in a little effort because there was more content to know about. And finally, I actually studies hard in tenth grade. I remember how bad Chemistry got for me at one point simply because there were too many exceptions to the rule. I loved the reactions and everything, but the names of the compounds made me think of storybook characters and that was one year when ALL my friends were seated TOTALLY AROUND me. I was literally at the center of my universe. We have permanent seating in class because our class teachers tend to get tired of our talking so that mattered a lot.
I still got a CGPA 10 that year. I really don’t know how that worked out but this just happens with me because last year I even made the Scholar Badge by a 0.3 mark when I was certain I was going to fall back that year. I now have seven back to back Scholars and that’s frankly the highest you can go because a Scholar in 12th grade in Humanities is as impossible as it gets. I’ll explain some other time.
This sounds like I’m boasting doesn’t it. Don’t worry, now it won’t:
I have been having some problems in math. Which is rather embarrassing because math is one of my favourite subjects and ever since I watched my mum tutor math (since I was six I think) I have been rather good at it. My benefit is that I’ve been exposed to numbers and have been seeing them being worked in my house for so long, and I generally have a good speed, that I don’t get scared. My problem though with math is that I don’t practice enough. Last year, when they suddenly shower you with 13 chapters of new math concepts, I made the almost fatal mistake of not doing math. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the 0.3 that saved me was math. And to think I got 100s till 10th grade. Duh, me.
This year, as soon as I got back in exam mode, I focused on math, made a chart for the rest of my subjects and left it with my mom, deliberately. Because I know that as long as she has the chart, and she can see which chapters and subjects I have tick-marked, I will be pressed to work and not give her any reason to cut my luxuries down. Frankly, my house is a much happier place when my mom is happy. So this was a bit of me working psychology on myself. I also asked my best friend to ask me if I read for 4 hours everyday. I don’t ever want to disappoint him so this would make me actually read.
Television became a problem. I don’t overdo it, I just watch Criminal Minds because I’m obsessed with it and maybe House because it’s quick and smart. The trouble is when my sister stays up late night and watches some silly comedy I don’t like at all. The volume is too loud in those shows anyway and the laughter clipping they add every two seconds makes me cringe. That was hampering my work and thought process. So I began staying up even later till the point… that… I no longer sleep at night.
I watch the dawn every morning, cracking nitrogen bubbles in my knuckles and wait for mom to wake up so that I can take her place in bed and go to sleep. Don’t worry I spend the night doing really productive things like reading and writing for something you’ll know about shortly. Then I wake up at noon, shower and everything and have human interaction, work at stuff that don’t require much concentration, collect notes from my friends which needs to be done during decent hours of course, and go for math class. Math class actually structures my entire day.
Now that you have the background, let me tell you why I get worried lately during exam time. My subjects are mostly theory subjects. They require quite a lot of learning things verbatim from the book. And since most of it is just touch and go at a cestpool of ideas, I have a hard time peeling myself off the net looking deeper into it. For example, for the exams in July, I have to remember what four books and eight chapters say on any of their pages. The exams are usually three days apart so there is just enough time to brush up on the content during the exam period. I have problems in mugging up what needs to be mugging up. But since I write fast and I construct my answers rather well, I don’t have it all that bad.
This year I got a little worried about my jargon. Psychology has a LOT of classification that I just don’t agree with. But since I’m just a schoolgirl and the people who say those things are much more read and much more heard, my views are my views and I still have to read.
And then something funny happened.
I stopped being anxious.
This has A LOT to do with the fact that I practiced math this time. I did.
It also has to do with my friends, whom I’ve met sometimes now and they help me remember that we’re all doing this together. Otherwise when we get prep leaves one tends to go out of his/her mind being stuck with themselves, don’t they. I also took some tests from my senior and very helpful friend, Bhanvi. This is a good idea guys. If any of you are taking exams soon or need to prepare for anything really, get someone to give you simple deadlines and take tests of content little by little. It makes you sure that you’re done with that part of your courseload.
The fact that VidCon is on right now and that some of my favourite YouTubers are vlogging it makes me delighted. VidCon is a gathering for anyone who is involved with online videos, making and watching and it is one of the nice things about this world. I love watching vlogs. Much more than mainstream videos in fact because that’s what strikes a chord with me!
When I started my channel, unprepared as I was and with still no editing skills, I just wanted to show the world what I am seeing and experiencing. Sometimes it is not possible for you to get everything that makes you happy. Travel for instance is a dream of many people who currently can’t do it, for their own reasons. So when somebody just shows you the place you want to see in an honest way through the internet, it is just wonderful.
Also, when I went to Japan there were sooooo many photos I wanted to take. But I couldn’t keep my group waiting for me all the time and as you know, I forgot taking pendrives to store those photos on anyway, so I switched to videos. Videos capture every inch of the space you’re loving. Most of the time when you’re doing or experiencing something you can’t believe, a video records it perfectly. It gets the sounds and the colours AS WELL AS your instant ramble of thoughts of how this place has struck you. The first impression or boom feeling as I call it is important for me. I literally start typing what I am feeling on phone, much to my friends displeasure who then have to wait a while to get my attention back. And then you can share that video with the rest of the world, with the rest of your world and they can feel it too.
So, watching VidCon and other genuine vlogs makes me destress in a way. It shows me what I’m aiming for, WHY I am studying if you can understand it that way.
After a long YouTube session, I posted this on my Fb page:
My dear world,
There are a few updates coming up soon. Things I want to share with you. But I guess there is not much point writing about them before they happen because you won’t be able to picture it. I just want to express in short then, how I feel when I do something new which is close to my heart. Whether it be writing on my blog on a topic I’m passionate about, or surf the net which btw really inspires me. There are some things that just make you happy.
And DESPITE it being exam time, I am actually managing to do those things. So, in this very candid post, I’m just telling you… Life is just fine ya know.
Anyway. STORIES LATER! Soon…
I have been dancing to myself, often singing to myself too. I have been looking for someone with a skateboard because I reaaaally dig those and want to learn. I have been eating mangoes left right and centre. Mangoes and lichis are perhaps the best things about Indian summer. Maybe the only good things in fact. I have also been doing some secret stuff. I’m sorry I can’t tell you about that just yet, because there is a selection process and I feel if I tell you and don’t then get selected it will disappoint everybody. So, just cross your fingers and wait yeah? Oh if I DO get selected, you’ll hear about it ENOUGH times because I will be doing an insane amount of publicity. Oh there’s your hint. Wink, wink! It’s that sort of thing that makes a seventeen year old really hopeful.
So here I am. Sticky with sweat, two days from my first exam, still got reading to do for it yelp, and not panicking. I am having trouble doing simple things like adding annotations to my videos, those things just aren’t showing but I’m still okay. I’m proud of myself. Trust me, when it gets bad it actually feels miserable. My friends and I drag ourselves to class which then becomes a massive unsaid support group and we go into the exam hall holding on together. We’re not bad at exams, we just want get over with them.
And I’m saying that before the first exams of five have even begun. Go, me!
If you dropped by for a piece of fiction and found this, tell me if this wasn’t like a story. If you liked the little voice of me talking plain and simple, tell me that too. I wonder why you guys don’t use my comment box. More of you have been following me lately, come on talk to me.
Anyway. Thanks everyone. I just feel like I’m actually speaking to anybody who is reading this. This is real for me.
Good night, all the best. Let me know if you have a skateboard!