Boring Stuff About Reading

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I am my wisest, strongest, rawest and also most secretive this year. Or, this second half of the year.

I have a psychology practical tomorrow. Logically, normatively (literally according to norms), I should be dropping things at this stage, lashing out at people, downing coffee  and donuts like water and be buried in my practical file. Instead of that, at this exact moment I am shutting close files of two side projects I am on, and writing my blog. I know full well that the ripple effects of every action like this and hence my performance on every little or large test this year has a compound effect on my future- the one I don’t care for and the secret one that is my Achilles’ heel, both. Yet, I am not panicked, in the least.

If you’re thinking I’m a master in psychology or your adorable right-out-of-the-movie book geek, drop it. I am just attuned. Attuned, to the years and years (and years) of lecturing in school and fortunately not so much outside school: “Take this seriously, kids! Your future rests on this. You know how important these exams are now with the nth new curriculum! YOUR kids are looking at you with hungry eyes, growing hungrier with every minute you waste on the net or in a cafe or just about an inch away from your books, because they are malnourished and there’s no food in the house because you never went to college.”

Probably not that last part. But just as threatening. Maybe I’ve said this before but the ONLY effect such fear mongering has on students is that most of them give reading up at the earliest possible age, chastised with such negativity.  Many others learn to fear reading, and everything that goes with it, until the classroom just becomes a group of children who either no more respect reading or know no hope without it. Everyone does become successful robots though, and if that was the aim of education, we’ve nailed it.

I fit in this class too, of course. I’ve never turned away from reading. But I know that a world is not impossible without it. I may not be a candidate for either tight fit category, but I’ve bounced between them, just like a work-vacation time division. Currently, I am in a highly motivated, ‘blood only has adrenaline’ kind of rush for knowledge (being better/ touching glossy pages/ checking out writing styles/ especially looking for acerbic people and texts), and I STILL DON”T FEEL MOTIVATED FOR TOMORROW’S PRACTICAL.

I’m sure I’ll score good. That’s… not really the point of reading but it matters, on the ripple effect level. I’m also pretty sure that after it ends tomorrow, I’ll be lighter.

That’s because of the deadpan, silent acknowledgement I have that I don’t enjoy school anymore.

I mean the curriculum, really, but since the “studies” are the basis of time division at any school, I don’t find much joy in the plain brick structure either, anymore.

Yet, it has been nearly 14 years. Our outward behaviour and intrinsic delights find ways to merge. I am indeed my wisest, strongest, rawest and most secretive this year. That’s because nobody else sees that when I walk the corridors that everyone walks, I picture the Windsor Castle, I see the Danube, I smell burgers and I hear the piano, like the other secrets no-one needs to know.

I will continue to have a pleasant time at school, despite my unsatisfaction and despite my hopes, because that’s just who I am. I’ll find ways to put the fun back in reading.

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4 thoughts on “Boring Stuff About Reading

    Chandan Sinha said:
    November 28, 2014 at 3:33 PM

    Well the aspect of reading on the last night of exam is quite different from that of the general reading. That usually turns out to be mugging up! You probably turned to writing your blog because you were fed up of the regularity and repetition of contents you were reading (here its psychology). In the last five days, I had 1 model presentation, 2 report submissions & 2 end semester exams (continuous) with huge syllabus – the whole journey was quite exhausting with continuous night outs but at the end of the day, you only look upon whether you completed the tasks withing deadline or not. Your hard labour, your dedication, your tiredness, everything becomes immaterial after that instant 🙂
    BTW, very nicely written!

      Ruchika responded:
      November 28, 2014 at 3:52 PM

      I agree, reading for the exam the night before tends to resemble mugging, unless one can glean the logic and the argument behind the text. I did just that, and I’m glad to report that the practical went superb. (Sometimes I give my own self nods of approval, like now.)

      I hear you, about your string of assignments. You do, indeed, only have your completed work to show for the entire process that went into it, whether easy or difficult or fun or not. maybe that’s a part of what makes our work precious to us… the memories we have of it? And the growth we’ve seen in it? (Sounds like parenting, doesn’t it. )

      Thanks for your comment, and your compliment. I try to deliver.

    Chandan Sinha said:
    November 28, 2014 at 4:15 PM

    Glad to hear that your practical went superb 🙂

    ‘Precious moments’- exactly, that’s what you build up during your whole journey of life- not just the exams or assignments but of the toil that cumulates and make your life as what it is today. But precious for whom? Its totally relative or bolder we say- one sided reference. You did the work or not, those moments would be precious because that’s when you were learning something significant and that’s what will add up to your experience but what would people see and value?- the output! I say this because our whole life is bounded by such implicit protocol.

    Well self appreciation is quite important and it plays significant part of self motivation, so its good that recognize the work you did as valuable. For the parenting part- well I like to listen to everyone, from a 5 year old child to 80 years old person because each one of them has something to teach you. Something that will the part of your self learning, you just need to ponder a bit for the understanding. So, I suppose I must be learning something from this textual conversation.

    Thanks for replying back and the parenting 😛 I try to reciprocate.

    anuj said:
    December 1, 2014 at 1:19 AM

    well written..

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