facebook

Chao

Posted on Updated on

Laughing my head off today at life’s frivolities, I mean really laughing, wiping tears too! Yes, I still miss bestie, but been talking about him with some common friends and well, get a load of this:

I asked the common friend, Rico, if he punched people? Somehow he read it a bit longside and said Yeah Pete “punches me all the tym coz I m the 1 alwys around” which is just too funny cause Pete gave me a look (on chat!) when I asked him the same thing earlier. And there’s more, Rico says “i punch back, bounce back and the run away”. Now just imagine these guys, 20 plus them both doing a Tom and Jerry remake in the house. Please tell me you at leaaaast smiled. They are really sweet guys, which you’d probably know if you are lucky enough to talk to them, and don’t tell them I said that, cause I can almost see them say “Sweet? Us? Please girl…”

Yeah they’re like that.

Are you on Facebook? Have you heard the term Grammar Nazis? This part is funny too.. so  courtesy Facebooking and the blatant lack of spell check and autocrrect on most devices, people can post in just about any twisted god-knows-what-they-are spellings on Fb. What’s more, since most of my friends do all the writing of their lives on Fb walls and comments and posts, they speak not Hindi, not English but Facebook. It’s got to be a language already. So much so that anyone, like me, who doesn’t often write Thank You as “Ty” is called irritating sometimes!

Yes, I mean what the hell happened to normal proper English? I still think spellings are sexy, but no offence to those that eat all the vowels, them hungry people. It just takes me what, 10 seconds extra to read what you said? And well, your loss, you don’t know universal abbreviations not me.

Back to Nazis. It’s still okkaaaayyyy if you know your grammar, but if you ever, ever dare commit the heinous crime of correcting someone ELSE on Fb, you’re so dead meat. That’s what gets you the tag, Grammar Nazi.

Hats off to the guy who was creative enough to make that title, but whack the same guy for making it at all. I don’t call you Spelling Hater… or Illiterate Lout… or plain Dumb Jack.

Today, suddenly Rico (yes, the one from above, seriously how many RICO’S would I know!).. Rico typed Chao to me.. and that’s when I just rolled off laughing. I am not arrogant enough to tell him it’s really Ciao, but hell yeah I’m arrogant enough to blog about it. It’s fun really, I probably never said a proper Gudmrning to him either, but Chao sounds so much like a name I almost asked him “Who?” until I realised he was just saying bye.

Oh lord what’s this popping on my newsfeed! A guy just posted this: “I am not cute, pouting is.”

And then my mom asks what I do on the net all day. I laugh mom! If I am out of story ideas i come online. If I am tired of writing or reading I come online. If I feel sick I come online and watch penguins beat the shit out of each other.. yeah, I found a video. YouTube’s got everything. Get this: I am writing about the net on the net, and there’s no one to stop me. How much cooler can it get. Can you imagine the freedom you got being online? Almost takes my breath away, I feel powerful here. That geek guy from Transporter was right, you let your fingers go crazy across the net and you’ll find something really cool. I mean, you are reading this, by the time you’re finished even if you’re pleasantly smiling you can hit a like, send me a message. You’ve never seen me, and here you are listening about what crazy stuff Rico did or who said what to me.

Wait a sec, I have a message…

Guy who posted that cute thing above says, Hello Madame. I can feel the smile spread already. And obviously I ask him what I did to earn that, we don’t talk all that often. And he says, Nothing. I’m just in a good mood today.

Where did simple people go? Because really, all this week, I have only found brilliant minds, those that make me laugh on Facebook. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. People who hate the net, get a life! It’s like hating the roads just because some lunatics drive their cars too fast or hating music just because some music is too loud for you.

Chill out, relax, let the Net impress you. If there ever is a job for Ambassador of the Internet yes I will take it.

And until later…. Chao! *wink*

Festival Incoming

Posted on

Half an hour ago, I halted reading for the upcoming exams cause I got hit by the craziest idea for my next blog post. (And that, is awesome!) So I logged on at WordPress, and well, by default opened a tab for Fb too.. and all was lost. :/

One point ninety nine seconds later I was attacked, I repeat ATTACKED by notif pings and chat pop-ups and events I had signed up for and MANNN! WHAT A GOOSECHASE!

Then WordPress tempted me in even further, the ruthless candy-tongue! I had some notifications up here to check on and that landed me on one such-a-cool-blog that I was like, did this guy just follow me??? (Yes, he did!)

So here I am today, photogenic shirt on, mug of buttermilk in hand, being the complete model of movie stillshots, and smiling dummy-ly having lost my precious idea. Gotta love it, it’s almost a competition between forgetting them and jusssst keeping them from being forgotten.

The world can go from beautiful and pastel shaded to bleak and breaking in seconds, let me tell you that much.

And then the heavens knocked 🙂 Or, in this case, my dear poor sister. Literally, knocked. I had headphones on and all… But anyway, the point being, she gave me another idea, the little angel 🙂

I’ll clear this out first thing. I am not an ambassador for India or anything India. Not now, not ever. Yet, it’s kinda fun when I post about upcoming festivals, of which India has a load, and have people, even Indians, laugh over them. No obligations. No stuck-up-ness. No culture education. Just hearty fun, when we can get it.

So, upcoming festival, India’s second favourite (after Diwali, click to open the post in another tab) is… HOLI. (Pronounced: holy)

It’s a Hindu religious tale behind it, but the festival has more widespread participation. I’ll make it simple, and short.

There was a prince who believed blindly in Lord Vishnu. His father, the king, hated that. He wanted to be the one the people worshipped, and not God. His own son was vexing him… so much that the king grew loathing for the son’s devotion. He had him thrown off a cliff, but the Lord saved him. He had him pinned to the ground and elephants run over but the Lord saved him. Then the king remembered his sister who had a magic shawl that kept the wearer untouched by fire. He made the son sit with his sister (who wore the shawl) on a blazing pyre. But the Lord mads the winds to blow, and the shawl fell on the faithful boy. The sister died and every Holi a pyre is burnt to remember the tale. But there’s more, of course, we haven’t got to the jovial.

The king had a blessing. He was guaranteed by the Gods that he could not be killed, not by man not by beast, not by small weapons not by big weapons, not in the day not at night, neither indoors not outdoors, and neither on earth nor in space. This was in fact the reason he felt inclined to lord over everyone, and dismiss God.

The king finally confronted the boy. He challenged him, that if God was everywhere, the boy show his presence in the pillar they were standing by. The palace shook, the ground crumbled, the pillar broke in half, and out stepped Lord Vishnu. And he killed the king. It’s wondrous how he did it around the king’s blessing… the Lord came half as man, half as beast, picked the king in his lap off the ground and neither in space, did it at the threshold of the palace so they were neither inside nor outside, it was twilight, and used his claws to tear open the king, and kill him.

But we don’t go around gruesomely killing people at Holi, we do something completely different. We have water war, and colour war. We throw powdered colours at each other and water balloons and water guns, and at the end of the day, we come home drenched, hungry and looking like a Halloween parade participants. I will try and put the pics from this year’s celebration up here, the festival is on 26th and 27th, goes into two days.

(PS You don’t have to be Hindu to love Holi. Hell, you don’t even have to be religious. I am not. It’s a festival, and those just sweep you along.)

Just Tell Her

Posted on

Note: Fiction. Because I love these kind of scenes. 🙂

I always believed that you should just go and tell her. Seriously, it’s not worth all the waiting. Checking her Facebook updates, flipping through her pictures… all the doubt, all the tinge. If you feel it, just tell her. If you hit it, great. If you don’t, at least you save up all that time you would have wasted.

Well, that was before I met her.

Before I met this girl.

I checked her pictures. She made me melt. I was scared to comment. What if she gets angry and throws me out of her friend list? No.

I thought I should just tell her. Because that’s what I have always believed in, right? But it’s not the same.

She’s special.

What if I blow it?

But wasn’t that what the policy was all about? To get it out. To not let it take over all my days and nights?

Okay, I gotta tell her.

SHIIIIITT.

*falls out of chair*

She’s online!

Oh God! Why now?!

Okay, I can do this. I can.

Right?

Right. I can.

Face it dude. You’re trying not to message her first, so you don’t look like you’re following her around. Creep.

Oh whatever.

How do I get her attention? Tell her I am online….

Okay! I can post this picture of me as a baby! If she says “so sweet” I’ll message her. Done.

And… posted.

Hey, wait. What? NO!

Why did she go offline?!

*grunt*

PING!

What?

WHAT?

She Liked my picture?!

PING!

HOLY! She messaged me!

“Hey! How are you?”

Meeeee? Maaaaaannnn!

“Are you there?”

Yes, yes. Hi-I-am-good-how-are-you?

All right guys. This is it.

So.. should I tell her or not?

Give me a Hogwarts House

Posted on

There was a time when I cared about what other people thought of me. Not that I would spend hours thinking about it, frankly, that was never me, but I just knowing how other people interpreted my actions. (For example, this time when I had kicked a volleyball to the wall so it would bounce and I won’t have to bend to pick it. That person thought I was ‘creative’. If you understand, please explain his higher-order thinking.)  What information they noticed… what I may have unknowingly given away though that’s very rare even when I have never had to hide anything.

There was a time when I liked those Truth and Dare games when everyone would be given a tag, one word, to everyone playing. Sometimes I joined those meaningless spins for just that. For a short while I even enjoyed those Fb Apps where you similarly wrote something about your friends to earn coins (which by the way, seemed so vintage. Like, coins?!) so you could unlock what your friends said about you. Yeah, go on, pull a face.

So my point is, there was a time when I liked knowing what others, duds and dudes alike, thought of me. And I had all the ingenious ways in the world to get the words out. And that time is still here. 😀

I recently got to know from a friend who has grown pretty close in the past two years that she, until yesterday, yes YESTERDAY, thought that I wasn’t much of an Indian culture lover. The thing is, I am a pretty knowledgeable person when it comes to histories or cultures of other countries. Not that I am a scholar, but since everyone else is pretty ignorant on a very very general basis, I am instantly somewhat of a computer. So even she, EVEN she, thought that I preferred western cultures, with all their speed and glam, to India’s mixed culture. (Because you see, we are like stuck between the ages.) And the moment she said that, the very moment, I went so bally-eyed and so gorilla-looking with a long face that she said- “Uh, okay. I take it back. Please stop whatever you are doing.”

😀

Chums.

But then a wave of perceived identities started. Of course we didn’t call it that. No normal teenager calls anything ‘perceived identity’. I just did, I know, but then I’m writing a blog post and I try desperately to sometimes sound intelligible.

So with this identity wave, we started asking each other to give in a sentence what we thought of each other. And then suddenly, that very day, I discovered on a favourite blogger’s post- A Hogwarts House Sorting Test.

Of course! The Sorting Hat is supposed to be the master judge of character isn’t it? So.. try my luck? Of course, I was expecting/hoping/wanting/believing Griffindor. (Choose your word, they all pretty much overlap.)

What would you do if you saw a friend cheating? Sure, I would… A little kid wrongly accuses me of stealing his toy? Oh-kay, I… A very strong man approaches you and wants your lunch? Like that’s a question.

So- done, done, done. Okay. Sort me, Sorting Hat!

I am….

I am….

I am….. Ravenclaw?

“The sorting hat says:

Your in-depth results are:

Ravenclaw – 13
Hufflepuff – 12
Gryffindor – 12
Slytherin – 7 ”

I am Ravenclaw? Somehow I find it pretty surprising. I wasn’t even thinking Ravenclaw when I gave that test. I also sort of forgot it existed…

Hold on. Ravenclaw=Brains.

Sure. 😀

But notice that Griffindor was only a POINT behind. Maybe I;m the other side of Hermoine, while she tipped it slightly to Griffy, I went to Rave. Cool. If only this Sorting was done at the Castle and four years ago.

 

Laughter Panacea

Posted on

Like a fool I went and lost the article I was so captivated by, so if any of you know a Shalini Roy who can write, please let me know. I don’t even remember the mail address, to send my heartiest wishes.

Of course, now I can’t tell you about the article much, I was relying on quoting much of it. But here’s one particular favourite she mentioned. Woody Allen I think, said, “I am not an atheist. I am just God’s loyal opposition.” Yeah, it was that good.

To start another paragraph  with of course- Of course I know what the article was ultimately all about. Or I can guess from the name. Laughter Remedy. Laughter Medicine. I have just had a whole entire UNIT in the English Classes dedicated to like topics so I’m perhaps the best person to tell you, in very short, that Laughter, Is The Best Medicine. Got that? Thanks. I can get on.

Medicine
“The blue ones are for Lion Roar Laugh. They help regulate your blood flow. What’s that? You could take Aspirin? Of course not! Laughter is the best medicine!”

There’s different ways to laugh. There certainly are different frequencies to laugh. Someone please tell this to the people who holler-laugh into their cell phones- There ARE lower frequencies, specially for a technically capable cell phone. There are different reasons to laugh, different occasions, different styles too. I personally boast of about 7 versatile laughters. (No, that’s not a word yet.) There’s loads of things I laugh on- books, jokes of course, music, silly dancing, art- yeah I dare, tripping, people…. But that’s what all of you know. Here’s what you could check out. How the INTERNET makes me laugh.

They say anything is available at the Web. So like a good youngster, I often come to the World Wide Web with my worries. And it hasn’t ever disappointed. Here’s why-

Laughter Panacea Source One

WIKIleaks. I checked out the infamous (or was it famous?) site about a year ago, long after the whole hype of it had died down. I remembered how a very good friend had told me she tried to get in so many times but the site was so flooded already it took aggggggeeeeeeeeeessssssss and she eventually gave up. I believed then and believe now, even given my lack in wisdom in these matters, that it was some conspiracy by the governments because Facebook is a pretty similar hotspot and it never shuts anyone off. (Maybe, except me.) So I finally checked the site last year and though everything was packed and gone, I wasn’t disappointed. Though I’m trying desperately, I can’t upload here the html page I saved back then. Here’s what the satisfying piece of the page was. In bold and black, below the hourglass logo, was the motto. Courage is Contagious.Oh yeah! The rut this place created, it sure had to be. But Google faithfully transports me to the site now. Seems I have been in the Stone Age for too long. Dear readers, how did it come back on? PLEASE let me know.

Wkileaks
Couraaaaage Isss Contagioussss! *singing patriotically*

Laughter Panacea Source Two

You’re going to have to be quick with this one.As Google will tell, today is Gustav Klimt’s 15th Birthday. Applause for Google for being such a dedicated wisher even when Wikipedia (the most searched item on Google I bet) will readily PAN it. I am not sure how long this will stay on the Wikipedia page but there is a MAJOR eye-widener in the first line of the Wiki page dedicated to Gustav. (I still don’t know who this guy REALLY is, but I love him all the same.)

If you are too late, like I suspect most of the world will be, here is what the first line was-

Google, the worst search engine, has made a link to Gustav Klimt (July 14, 1862– February 6, 19…

WOW! I don’t know, maybe such open battle is common, but I never expected Wiki to do this. Specially since the time they went offline to protest against PIPA and SOPA. And I did think this was a ground with full-on diplomacy. Got to say, THIS attack is VERY very surprising. If not horrifying. What did Google do to you? Are the people behind who check every article sleeping? Or did YOU guys put this?! Why? What’s happening? TELL me!!!

People, this is one war we will love.

Laughter Panacea Source Three

http://www.visitbritain.com

I didn’t know Britain’s national bird was a pheasant. Oh wait it is not. It’s the European Robin. And even that doesn’t have a place on the official papers. Please tell me I’m getting this all wrong. Because the above mentioned site has a tacky pheasant, which for the record can NOT be there for aesthetic reasons, that says-

Well, hello! You’re looking fabulous today. Come on in and take a good look around!

I really like this find. I really like being told I’m looking fabulous today, even if it comes from a very strange bird picture on a computer screen, who is not even looking at me but at the video beside it and will NOT explain why she commits such flattery because surely, I wouldn’t blush just because it says what it says. No! I’m not blushing! It’s just the heat!

Laughter Panacea Source Three

Facebook. You HAD to see this coming. This is THE place for cartoonists, jokers, I mean joke-makers, witty people and impressible teens. What are you oldies still doing there? Drop hopes of the place being restored to sanity and move to  Twitter or LinkedIn. Or stay and easily let us get to all your secrets. Wise choice.

Anyway, we all know that Facebook can make us laugh, cry, bawl or fly. Here’s some of the best jokes of all time- at least the ones I remembered to store.

“When I was five years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life.When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life.”

– John Lennon

“Filled up a gargantuan bowl with chocolate ice-cream and kept it on the bed. Next, absent-mindedly sat on the very bowl. From ice-cream to..well, ass-cream.”

– A person I didn’t ask before quoting so at least I shouldn’t name. He’s a genius.

“You are 15????????????????????????????????! Wow!”

– Chris, Fb buddy. Day-maker. As in, he made my day.

“Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for
better working conditions.. for safety on the streets… for child care, for social welfare… for rape crisis centers, women’s refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says ‘Oh, I’m not a feminist,’ I ask ‘Why? What’s your problem?’


-Dale Splendor

How Will You Die?
Apparently some app on dear Fb. The smart guy, Sarthak, is another very very witty superdude.