jokes

Laughter Panacea

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Like a fool I went and lost the article I was so captivated by, so if any of you know a Shalini Roy who can write, please let me know. I don’t even remember the mail address, to send my heartiest wishes.

Of course, now I can’t tell you about the article much, I was relying on quoting much of it. But here’s one particular favourite she mentioned. Woody Allen I think, said, “I am not an atheist. I am just God’s loyal opposition.” Yeah, it was that good.

To start another paragraph  with of course- Of course I know what the article was ultimately all about. Or I can guess from the name. Laughter Remedy. Laughter Medicine. I have just had a whole entire UNIT in the English Classes dedicated to like topics so I’m perhaps the best person to tell you, in very short, that Laughter, Is The Best Medicine. Got that? Thanks. I can get on.

Medicine
“The blue ones are for Lion Roar Laugh. They help regulate your blood flow. What’s that? You could take Aspirin? Of course not! Laughter is the best medicine!”

There’s different ways to laugh. There certainly are different frequencies to laugh. Someone please tell this to the people who holler-laugh into their cell phones- There ARE lower frequencies, specially for a technically capable cell phone. There are different reasons to laugh, different occasions, different styles too. I personally boast of about 7 versatile laughters. (No, that’s not a word yet.) There’s loads of things I laugh on- books, jokes of course, music, silly dancing, art- yeah I dare, tripping, people…. But that’s what all of you know. Here’s what you could check out. How the INTERNET makes me laugh.

They say anything is available at the Web. So like a good youngster, I often come to the World Wide Web with my worries. And it hasn’t ever disappointed. Here’s why-

Laughter Panacea Source One

WIKIleaks. I checked out the infamous (or was it famous?) site about a year ago, long after the whole hype of it had died down. I remembered how a very good friend had told me she tried to get in so many times but the site was so flooded already it took aggggggeeeeeeeeeessssssss and she eventually gave up. I believed then and believe now, even given my lack in wisdom in these matters, that it was some conspiracy by the governments because Facebook is a pretty similar hotspot and it never shuts anyone off. (Maybe, except me.) So I finally checked the site last year and though everything was packed and gone, I wasn’t disappointed. Though I’m trying desperately, I can’t upload here the html page I saved back then. Here’s what the satisfying piece of the page was. In bold and black, below the hourglass logo, was the motto. Courage is Contagious.Oh yeah! The rut this place created, it sure had to be. But Google faithfully transports me to the site now. Seems I have been in the Stone Age for too long. Dear readers, how did it come back on? PLEASE let me know.

Wkileaks
Couraaaaage Isss Contagioussss! *singing patriotically*

Laughter Panacea Source Two

You’re going to have to be quick with this one.As Google will tell, today is Gustav Klimt’s 15th Birthday. Applause for Google for being such a dedicated wisher even when Wikipedia (the most searched item on Google I bet) will readily PAN it. I am not sure how long this will stay on the Wikipedia page but there is a MAJOR eye-widener in the first line of the Wiki page dedicated to Gustav. (I still don’t know who this guy REALLY is, but I love him all the same.)

If you are too late, like I suspect most of the world will be, here is what the first line was-

Google, the worst search engine, has made a link to Gustav Klimt (July 14, 1862– February 6, 19…

WOW! I don’t know, maybe such open battle is common, but I never expected Wiki to do this. Specially since the time they went offline to protest against PIPA and SOPA. And I did think this was a ground with full-on diplomacy. Got to say, THIS attack is VERY very surprising. If not horrifying. What did Google do to you? Are the people behind who check every article sleeping? Or did YOU guys put this?! Why? What’s happening? TELL me!!!

People, this is one war we will love.

Laughter Panacea Source Three

http://www.visitbritain.com

I didn’t know Britain’s national bird was a pheasant. Oh wait it is not. It’s the European Robin. And even that doesn’t have a place on the official papers. Please tell me I’m getting this all wrong. Because the above mentioned site has a tacky pheasant, which for the record can NOT be there for aesthetic reasons, that says-

Well, hello! You’re looking fabulous today. Come on in and take a good look around!

I really like this find. I really like being told I’m looking fabulous today, even if it comes from a very strange bird picture on a computer screen, who is not even looking at me but at the video beside it and will NOT explain why she commits such flattery because surely, I wouldn’t blush just because it says what it says. No! I’m not blushing! It’s just the heat!

Laughter Panacea Source Three

Facebook. You HAD to see this coming. This is THE place for cartoonists, jokers, I mean joke-makers, witty people and impressible teens. What are you oldies still doing there? Drop hopes of the place being restored to sanity and move to  Twitter or LinkedIn. Or stay and easily let us get to all your secrets. Wise choice.

Anyway, we all know that Facebook can make us laugh, cry, bawl or fly. Here’s some of the best jokes of all time- at least the ones I remembered to store.

“When I was five years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life.When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life.”

– John Lennon

“Filled up a gargantuan bowl with chocolate ice-cream and kept it on the bed. Next, absent-mindedly sat on the very bowl. From ice-cream to..well, ass-cream.”

– A person I didn’t ask before quoting so at least I shouldn’t name. He’s a genius.

“You are 15????????????????????????????????! Wow!”

– Chris, Fb buddy. Day-maker. As in, he made my day.

“Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for
better working conditions.. for safety on the streets… for child care, for social welfare… for rape crisis centers, women’s refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says ‘Oh, I’m not a feminist,’ I ask ‘Why? What’s your problem?’


-Dale Splendor

How Will You Die?
Apparently some app on dear Fb. The smart guy, Sarthak, is another very very witty superdude.

How to fake a graduate chartered accountant image!

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When my dad got an 11th hour project, a seminar to teach to chartered accountants, I didn’t think I would be needed beyond editing the power point presentation. Little did I know that he would require an “assistant” for the en devour and when I did, all I had in mind was that black, formal skirt I was itching to wear, wear, wear! And then, as we sat in the car, the bomb fell.

I wasn’t going as my dad’s daughter….I was his ‘trainee’ for the next six hours.

Ask a fifteen year old to act her dad’s trainee in the field of finance when she knows nothing close to the matter but what shares are, and she would faint…. but me, I had that gorgeous skirt on and it was windy, so I just decided to go on with it! So I sat my fake-accountant rear in the car, and for the hour long drive assessed my position. When we finally realised it, my dad could just NOT STOP laughing that I would be calling him ‘Sir’ for the remainder of the day!!!

I had a beautiful skirt to flaunt. I had recently lost two kilos so I was looking feminine enough. I have good communication skills and can think up any wild story if needs be. And after all, I do have an excellent poise and winning smile 🙂

Anyone who observed for a few seconds would know that I was PEERING into any mirror I passed! All the time before we reached the center, I was yelling at myself to “ruddy, wipe that stupid grin off my face!”

And then there I was, just in time to find the ‘students’ (from 20 to 40 years!) file out for tea. Gosh, how I enjoyed the gazing- from skirt to face to skirt, with a pause at the slit! and then as it got very beautifully windy, I found myself just starting to swing ( ! ) and I went, “Geez Ruchika, pro conduct! ”

Obviously, I stood, walked and sat at the most strategic positions in the hall. Now that I had made the effort, I wanted the look, and skirt, to be appreciated! And after all the posing and smiling and evading personal interactions, and creating the mystery around ‘that girl in the skirt’, the seminar finally began.

Now I know how boring finance can be, so I’ll spare you the details. But I just sat my fifteen year old rear for the entire four-hour course gazing at the frolic audience, the instructor who was supposed to be my familiar dad, and the car keys. With the painted ‘winning smile’ on my face, I wondered how good dad’s name looked in print, how well the ‘J’ enveloped the ‘U’. And then daddy’s girl got nostalgic.

I slipped into thousands of good skirt-poses, and wished for the Nth time that I had not left my camera at my last vacation (but that’s another tale!) and played with the car-keychain-joint-doll and doodled to my heart’s content. And late as he was, a man walked in after an hour, to my absolute excitement as he looked so much like a long lost friend, I wanted to hug him for making my day! (But with the attire came the formality, thankfully!)

I am proud of my little stunt today! And though I had to make up a fib story just once, I did pretty good. I’m proud especially to evade a mishap, like the Angelina Jolie leg-jut at the Oscars, in my formal skirt excitement!

Because COME ONE, how often does a 10th standard kid go and sit with 30-40 year old chartered accountants and call herself a pro, and NOT GET CAUGHT!!!

Ecstatically,

Ruchika.